Q&A Is My Husband's Behavior Abusive?

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Question: 

We just finished EMS Online, I have started Harboring Hope, and my husband starts Hope for Healing next week. My husband is still gaslighting, blaming, being a victim, and having an extremely difficult time with empathy and talking about emotions. When I tell him he's being abusive, as he has our entire 16 years together, he says I have a negative filter, he gets angry, and we go days not talking and me feeling abandoned, wondering if I should give up. I casually mentioned I would like counseling because we're having such a hard time communicating - he refuses to listen to me, take what I say into any sort of consideration, or hear my emotions - and he said that all this will never be enough for me, we did EMS Online, now he's doing Hope for Healing, and he said "then what? You'll keep wanting more and more." He said "counseling is a scam." He had some phone counseling after D-Day, we saw my pastor for a while but that pastor isn't trained for this type of counseling and some of that ended up doing more damage than good. At this point, my struggle is less about the infidelity and betrayal and more about his continued emotional and mental abuse of me. He doesn't see that his behavior is abusive, and I understand why - who wants to see themselves as "an abuser"? Is there a shift that happens that I can hope for? I want this marriage and I want to be with my husband, but I won't be a doormat or abused for the rest of my life. At some point this behavior has to stop.

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