Q&A Is Replacing Physical Items Helpful for Managing Triggers?

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Our house is filled with things that remind me of my wife's affair, some of them directly, like photos taken during that time, some of them that have several degrees of separation but that still remind me of it, for example a piece of artwork bought the month before the affair, or a piece of clothing she wore anytime during the affair. Since the affair and the subsequent dishonesty went on for a long time, there is little in our house that is not touched by it. The same is true of driving around our neighborhood: the affair did not happen here, but if I drive by a restaurant where she and I had dinner during the time of the affair, I often have very bad feelings. So: is it worth it to expensively replace all the items that bring it up for me, or do these associations fade over time? Is it just wishful thinking that getting rid of all physical triggers will make a difference? We also may have an opportunity to move cities for my work. The AP does not live in our current city, but I still like the idea of being in a new place without the baggage here. Do you find that moving actually ever makes a difference?



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This helped me

I have not listened to the video b/c my computer keeps freezing. But I had the same exact issue. One of the pictures that was a favorite of me and my husband was taken during the time he was having his affair. I would get almost physically sick when I would see it. So I took it down and put it away. Had to do the same for our wedding photos. I did not throw them away, but I put them away. After a while, slowly I was able to bring some things back out. Others are still boxed away.
Clothing. Well that has been a different story. It has been a slow, process, and sort of expensive, but any of the what I call contaminated clothing has been replaced. I started with all the under garments. My husband did not understand it, but he was supportive. He just kept saying if you think this will make you feel better then it is okay with me. Another lady in our group liked the idea and did the same thing.
I won't say that it was a cure all, but oddly it gave me a feeling of control. I felt like I was reclaiming something that was mine. It helped some with the triggers because I knew that "SHE" had never seen him in those clothes. "SHE" had never touched those clothes. Anyway just wanted to toss out my 2 cents.

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