Q&A Should I Ask about the Physical Parts of the Affair?

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Please help me Rick. We are 15 months from D-Day I'm doing well for the most part, our marriage is starting to thrive and become better than ever, but I cannot get past the physical part. I cannot get past the fact that my husband was intimate with another woman. I can't seem to move on from that and it hurts so much every day. How do I get that out of my head? How do I move past that and start to see the light at the end of the tunnel? I feel like there are still questions about the physical part of their relationship that I didn't ask early on but want to now. Should I or is it too late for that? What do I do?



RL_Media Type: 

Fear of Duplicating Affair Partner's Sexual Acts

Are there any questions I might ask which might not result in comparison intrusive thoughts but which might give me some peace of mind when my husband and I have physical contact?
I'm simultaneously afraid to know and afraid to NOT know physical parts of the affair. I personally know my husband's affair partner; I was kind and generous to her before discovery. Therefore picturing their physical acts pops into my mind without having to use a ton of imagination. Since our marriage is one of over 30 years, I know what he likes sexually. In addition, I know what she looks like when she laughs, when she's shy, when she's wearing shorts, when she's dressed up for a special event, and when she throws her long hair back over her shoulder. These thoughts are so very painful. It would be ideal, of course, for this line of thinking to dissolve, as much as possible. On the other hand, I'm haunted that my husband and I may duplicate their acts which will cause him to think of his former work assistant/affair partner whilst he and I are attempting to connect on a physically intimate way. Simultaneously, it feels natural to feel his body then suddenly repugnant when I wonder if this is how they also connected. My questions about the physical acts are becoming increasingly problematic to my abilities to enjoy physicality of anything other than hand holding, not to mention, enjoyable sexual intercourse. .. Thank You in advance for any constructive input.

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