Q&A Should I Prepare to Leave or Take Control of Our Healing?

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It seems, more often than not, when I finally try to express my hurt and grief, my husband immediately becomes defensive and wants to talk about ‘what I have done wrong.’ It has been 6 months since D-Day and honestly, he acts as if he was justified in having an affair because he was ‘so unhappy.’ He will quickly say it was not my fault, but the words behind his words circle right back to it being my fault. I have mostly kept very quiet since finding out he had the affair because he complains I am controlling. Truth, if I am controlling, it’s because he refuses to lead us properly. I applaud him for doing EMS Online but he is doing little to nothing else, only doing homework ‘when it is due.’ So, how do I manage in recovery with someone who has to be led through the process but complains when I lead us? If I remain silent, I honestly do not believe he will do any recovery at all. Does that mean I should prepare to leave? I understand that I can not make anyone love me or want to work with me but I don’t believe 6 months of ambivalence zone is going to yield anything but more ambivalence. It’s hard to watch him not make much of an effort when I am currently in HH, EMS Online and personal therapy for his affair. Help.



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