Q&A What Is the Best Strategy for Dealing with Lingering Details of an Affair?

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My husband’s affair was all about affirmation when he was feeling like a total failure. He was able to compartmentalize in a way I know I’ll never really understand. Mostly, I’ve accepted where he was and why he did it - and even come to feel pity for both of them. But sometimes I have reminders of particularly selfish choices he made, like telling me he had a work trip and taking a full weekend away with her. We have 3 kids who were 5, 1, and 2 months at the time - and he was already traveling quite a lot for actual work. When I think of the person who could lie and abandon his family like this I still feel moments of hate - not to mention his affair partner who has 4 young kids of her own and a husband who works a lot. To do that to another mother... What is the best strategy for dealing with these lingering details that still feel so, frankly, evil and beyond the pale? I am the type that needs to understand and rationalize to a certain degree. Is it healthier or more effective to try to understand how he could do that and still be someone I could love or to just think of him as a different person at the time - someone possessed or on hard drugs? As a Christian, I want to believe sin could do that, but having never been in this dark a place I have trouble conceptualizing it.



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