Q&A What Do I Do with My Confusion and Anger?

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Question: 

We both completed all the courses that Affair Recovery offers and are currently in the 2nd phase of M4L working on boundaries. We’ve been seeing a couples counselor for almost 2 months. She wants him to write an apology letter and it’s taking over a month and I still don’t have it. I’ve been doing EMDR work for almost a year and my husband FINALLY, one month ago had a heart change going from calloused and not empathetic to my needs and pain to having humility and finally willingness to do what it takes to repair himself and us. He is now doing EMDR and actually excited about his epiphanies. I’ve been saying from Day One that I need him to pursue me, to be intimately close by being Emotionally present, which he’s working on, but also to be non sexually physical, which he isn’t, even though He says he’s attracted to me. I just found out that He’s still holding resentments against me for things I said to him through my pain and says I’m unsafe for him to get close to. He says he knows it’s him and not me, but how does that even work when I’m the betrayed, working so hard to let go of my resentments and to move close to him, but he is still withholding intimacy from me. He says his AP is out of the picture and I do believe him. I’ve been very patient and understanding but It’s not right and I don’t get it?!

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