Q&A What Does Consensual Sex Look like in Marriage?

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Question: 

I am submitting a question in response to the video by Rick titled, "What does consent to sex look like in marriage". I appreciate what Rick addressed in the video and I believe once the trauma and abuse stops and competent therapy is under way then what he recommends can apply. But *I perceive* that it is jumping past the sexual trauma he is doing to her and I am so confused and extremely concerned. Why didn't Rick say it is wrong for him to do that? Do the affair recovery counselors believe that non consensual sex is ever ok? And why didn't Rick address that the husband clearly stated that he wants to just use her? I am so distraught that this is potentially going to be told to me that it is permissible or acceptable. Rick didn't answer the question she asked "what does consent to sex look like in marriage?" My husband the unfaithful threatens abandonment every time he doesn't get sex and he doesn't believe that I have equal say in having sex and I cannot survive if I'm expected to continue to live with this abuse and trauma.

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Nonconsensual Sex during an affair

Would appreciate if y'all addressed non consensual sex in the framework of the betrayed spouse during their unfaithful spouse's affair. I'm sure I am not alone in stating that I never would have consented to sex with my unfaithful while he was acting out with another. The sex I undertook with him during his affair was therefore, non consensual. The trauma of knowing I was sleeping with him while he was sleeping with another is extreme. It brings on a feeling of deep violation. Although I was never raped in the classic sense , I experienced a close call while in college---forced sexual act without completion of the act. The feeling of violation in the case of having sex I would not have consented to with my unfaithful spouse is even greater than that college experience.