14 months ago my wife disclosed a two month emotional affair that turned physical. Needless to say this has been the most devastating and humiliating experience of my life. We’ve been through EMS Online, Harboring Hope, and Hope For Healing. We’ve also been good about going to individual and couples therapy. Things are steady right now but still get rocky from time to time. We have a long road ahead of us. My question is, what should I be expecting from her as she works to reconcile our marriage and process the fact that she did something so terrible and destructive. Sometimes I think she should be doing more like mentoring a Hope For Healing group or doing public speaking events at women’s retreats to warn others against slipping into infidelity. This would show me she’s committed to figuring out why the affair happened, what needed to change for her, and ultimately that she is a safe partner to reconcile with because she “gets it”. Right now she only ever speaks of the affair if I bring it up mostly because of the guilt and shame she still feels. I understand I’m a guy and we try to fix things (including our relationships) differently than women.