Q&A What Should We Do With New Surprising Triggers?

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After two months of me being reactive, my husband being defensive, lots of yelling and flooding, my husband started trying to work with me. Sometimes he even asks me if I want to talk about things and comforts me, which gives me hope. Now I'm able to manage most of the triggers safely. The problem is sometimes after I already tried to manage my feeling for a couple of days without flooding, I get unexpected triggers and intrusive thoughts that are new and intense. It's hard to manage my emotions (anger, denial, physical feelings). I needed to talk to him in the hope of getting acknowledgment and comfort. I couldn't help but talk very emotionally. I was able to make sure to talk about how I felt rather than saying things about him. I never blame him, but he felt blamed because of observing how I feel. His normal first response is, "I'm trying and working on the right path. What did I do? Why do you all of a sudden get emotional." Not getting the acknowledgment I wanted, I felt worse and argued, "I'm not saying you're not working hard, I got triggered!" And he would tell me to shut up or say that I'm doing this to him. And then we start fighting. This pattern has happened many times. Any suggestion for both of us about what we can do differently?



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