Q&A What Will Help My Unfaithful Spouse 'Get it'?

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Question: 

Question 1:

I am in Harboring Hope at this time. My husband hasn't shown any effort to get help or counseling. He is also an alcoholic. He goes to bars where there is obviously alcohol and women. He knows that I don't like it. But I've quit saying anything about him not going. His drinking has gotten out of hand many times. He says that he is trying but I don't see it that way. He asked me recently what I wanted him to do to show me he was in this. I told him I couldn't TELL him what to do. He had to be willing to know what he had to do for himself. All that being said, would it be worth my time, and do you think it would do any good if I asked him to call Affair Recovery to talk to someone? He's not going to read anything about having an affair. 

He's said he was sorry, but I haven't seen remorse. There is a difference. Right now in HH, we are talking about forgiveness. I'm at the point of letting go of so many losses. I don't want to start anything up with him that would only knock me back down from the distance God has already brought me. But 26 years of marriage...I'm not ready to throw in the towel. 

Any suggestions on helping him?

Question 2:

I'm the betrayed. I'm the one in counseling, seeking help through Harboring Hope, online support groups, etc. My husband says he wants us to be together BUT he has returned to his AP a couple of times, and is an alcoholic. Just last night I told him that I was tired of making all the commitments and him making none. I was done. I was ready for it to be over. He said that wasn't what he wanted. I'm tired of being the only one fighting for our marriage. Do you think he will get on board or is it just time to throw up my hands? He has asked me what I want him to do but no one told me what I needed to do to get help. I knew I needed help. I knew I couldn't get through this without help. Besides, should I really be telling what help he needs?? I don't think so. I would love to see God turn his life around. I just don't have the fight in me anymore.

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