Q&A What's Important to Process After His Infidelity?

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Question: 

Hi Rick,

We are almost 6 mos. from D-day. I am the betrayed spouse, and we are in the EMSO course. I am trying to figure out at this point whether my focus should be on using the recovery tools to build our marriage, or whether I should still be focusing on what he did and how I feel about it as my vantage point. If I focus on what my husband did to me, I feel angry and depressed. The depression had gotten pretty intense over the last few weeks. However, if I focus on building our marriage, the anger and depression are much better, but then I don't know if I have fallen into "pretend normal" and am avoiding what happened in my heart. Before the infidelity, I had a habit of pushing my feelings aside, so I don't want to do that. How do I know that I am not avoiding my feelings, but am also not allowing them to rule me? I don't want to fall into either trap. What does healthy processing look like at this point? Thank you.

 

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