Q&A Why Did His Guilt over the Affair Partner Win out over Me and Our Marriage?

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The disclosure came about when I asked him to take a polygraph because I knew in my gut that he was still lying about something. My husband gave me a full disclosure letter where he admitted to still being in contact with her along with more information. His attitude has been very caring. He says he feels better now that it is all out on the table. His reasoning for staying in contact is how guilty he felt for what he had done with her and for what he had done to her husband. He said that his shame and guilt were somewhat softened after talking with her about how her marriage was going. They talked approximately 4 times over a 4 months period, but lied to me multiple times about it. I probably asked 2 or 3 times a week. What about still lying to me? Why did his guilty over her and her marriage win out over the continuing to deceive and betray me and our marriage? He has said through this whole event, he continued to justify his actions based on the philosophy, "well, if you never found out then I would have been fine". He is very ashamed and sorry for what he has done. He is learning about love and empathy but why does he keep putting us at risk. We have been with a therapist for over a year now and this was my 4th D-Day. I do feel that the full story has finally been told but the damage left in the wake of it is overwhelming for me.



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