Q&A Why Isn’t My Mate Showing Empathy?

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Question: 

We have attended EMS Weekend, EMSO, and Married for Life as well as both of us currently taking the Harboring Hope and Hope for Healing. My husband is STILL unable to be empathetic after 11 months of working the programs. I have my doubts that he is truly applying the things he is being taught as well as putting his ALL into each program. I now know that while attending the 2 EMS courses he was in relapse so he was just doing the work but his heart wasn't in it by his own admission. I don't think he's really doing the assignments thoroughly in his H4H course now either or even writing much down, maybe just the bare minimum although he says he is. He says he wants US to work after 30 years of marriage, but how can I trust him if he STILL is UNABLE to empathize with me in my pain. I don't feel like I or my pain matter to him. He doesn't get it, therefore he doesn't feel safe. He can barely force himself to hold me when I do cry. Then I get angry because I'm so hurt and I lash out verbally. He was in a limerent relationship for 2 years and I discovered it a week before Christmas 2017. He tells me he feels badly and was wrong but that's about the extent of his emotions and ownership. He is in counseling but I really don't know how good that's going either because he doesn't tell me much at all. I'm doing EMDR as well as CR work, and have an accountability partner which is helping tremendously!! He won't do CR or accountability anymore. He considers H4H his accountability, but I don't believe a call once a week is enough.

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