Q&A Why Isn't My Wayward Husband Interested in Me Sexually?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


I'm at the end of my rope. We are 30 years married and 20 months out from discovery. Been through EMSO and are doing MFL. We are rebuilding and getting along well. My husband isn't interested in me sexually anymore. He had a 4 year affair with a married woman that he seemed to have been able to break off pretty easily. He told me his affair was very sexual. He told our marriage counselor that the sexual feelings for me are not there. I feel so rejected. Again. He will cuddle and kiss me in a semi intimate way, but nothing else.He's 58, I'm 55.Though he has had ED problems since discovery, not only does he have medication, but after a complete check-up, his doctor told him there is nothing wrong with him physically. It's not that he can't get erections. He gets them every night while he's asleep. We are both attractive people and look years younger than we actually are. I'm just not sure why he's not interested in me. It hurts because I love him and don't want to live like roommates. Should I just throw in the towel? This journey has been rough. I feel like he's never going to want me again.



RL_Media Type: 

More on this please...

Thank you for your comments on this post. I have nearly the same exact question and comments as the original writer. I have reviewed both books you mentioned but neither seemed to help or explain why my UH is just so incredibly disinterested in me sexually at this point - over two years after D-day. We had a very pleasing sexual relationship prior and EVEN DURING his six month affair. Even the things that used to really get his attention no longer work...it's like he has been sexually reprogrammed in a language that I do not understand. The confusing thing is that he NEVER actually had sex with the AP!! He pursued her for nearly six months, enjoyed her professional massage services, and kissed her once, telling her how attracted he was to her. The designated "sex day" for the two of them was interrupted the night prior by me finding out about her and their plan. He dropped her the next morning and never had contact with her again. This information was confirmed by polygraph. We participated in an EMS weekend over a year ago and are currently working on MFL. We've just now gotten to the chapters about sex. Although he is participating, he is uninterested and doesn't seem to care about repairing this previously wonderful part of our marriage. I brought up the possibility of a sex therapist but he says that talking about sexuality with a stranger would be too embarrassing for him...I don't know what to do next...

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas