Q&A Will I Ever Believe an Agreement Again?

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Question: 

Hi Rick.

My spouse and I continue to struggle. It feels we are clinging to one another for dear life. Neither wants to separate or give up but we feel stuck. We are a year out from D-day. We have been to EMS Weekend. It feels to me we have both said goodbye to old marriage and really have. It feels as though there has been a death and the grief process is ongoing. My issue takes me back to the beginning. Promises that we were affair proofed. Should either of us be tempted we would let the other know. We would not walk this path. We would discuss and if necessary separate. There was a clear understanding this pain could be avoided. Infidelity would result in divorce. But letting the other spouse know of temptation and feelings for other person could give marriage a chance or perhaps a separation would be needed. But we would not take this path. We both agreed to that.

Of course it didn't go that way and I am fixated on how this could have happened. It may not have been easy to tell me of attraction to other party but it would have been far easier that dealing with aftermath of yearlong affair. I can't seem to recover and regain my balance. I begin to and then am thrown right back to "but we shouldn't be here at all". We had a deal. I realize it is counterproductive. Is this a situation that is unsolvable? I am truly at my wits end. We had a lot of communication in our marriage. He was truly my best friend. Not anymore. How can I ever believe anything we agree to again??

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