Q&A Will I Ever See My Husband as ‘Mine’ Again?

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I saved myself for marriage and he didn't date much before me so the majority of what we shared was only "ours." Then he had an affair and now nothing is exclusive to me, his affair partner is now a part of what was a closed circle/bond. Besides an expert I'd love to hear a healed betrayed spouse share her opinion!



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I’m a betrayed spouse a little over 7 months into this healing journey.
I can understand the grief and pain you are feeling over the betrayal as I have felt this also. My husband and I have been married 26 years and he was faithful for 22 of those years. I had complete trust in him as I felt that the love he had for me and for our children was unshakeable. I believed he would never do anything to jeopardize the security of our family. What I didn’t understand was that he felt lonely and abandoned, and insecure. The kids grew up and moved on, his beloved step-father died (the man who came into his life when he was 10 and lifted the heavy burden from his little shoulders of being the family caretaker), and I felt hurt and confused by his anger and withdrew, rejecting him frequently. He felt lost and slowly started seeking affirmation elsewhere through inappropriate online interactions, until it culminated in a physical affair last year.
Through it all he never lost his love and longing for me. He was not in love with any of the APs and had no intention of leaving our marriage. When he confessed one of the first things he said while sobbing was, “And now you’re going to leave me.”
No. I didn’t leave. I’m loyal and I love him for all of the ways he loved and supported our family through the years. He was the dad who would walk in the door, exhausted from work, and get down in his hands and knees to play “horsey” with our kids. He always had time for them and he always offered help to me. He is/was the man who would pick me a bouquet of wildflowers just to say, “I love you.” He is the man who sat by the side of both of my parents when they passed, holding their hands, praying for them, and comforting me.
The vows he said on our wedding day he meant...and still means today. He wounded me terribly but he is helping me to heal through his loving actions. This morning he came to me with tears in his eyes to say, “Thank you for your grace and forgiveness to me; it’s because of you I could dance with our daughter at her wedding last March. I love you.”
He and I are changed. This event, his sin, altered us. Looking back on our relationship I can see that we needed altering. It was a steep price to pay for deepening our love, but we are not letting it steal our future. We can’t imagine a life without the other in it, we want to grow old together in a new and improved marriage. We don’t want to leave our children and grandchildren a legacy of brokenness, we want to leave them a legacy of unselfish love.
He is my beloved husband and I am his beloved wife. That may may have been threatened, but it was not stolen from us. Praise God!

This means so much to me

Reading your words gave me such hope. Thank you for sharing your story here.

I feel very much like the

I feel very much like the person who wrote this question. But your words help me and I thank you for it! ❤️