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What is the biggest predictor of how couples will respond to the trauma of betrayal? What makes recovery more difficult for some than others? What makes some more resilient than others? Answers to questions such as these are crucial for those trying to find the most productive path for their healing.

In an effort to learn more about the impact of trauma on those experiencing infidelity, Affair Recovery is conducting a survey using the Adverse Childhood Experiences scale (ACE) to determine the ongoing impact of previous trauma on individuals recovering from infidelity. If our survey shows a connection between previous childhood trauma and the trauma associated with infidelity then it may help explain one reason why recovery is more challenging for some and provide new direction for those who struggle to heal. The results of the survey will first be presented at the Hope Rising Conference, in Austin Texas on October 12, 2019.

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What is the ACE?

The ACE was developed in the 1990s and was a collaborative effort between the Center for Disease Control and Kaiser, with Robert Anda, MD, and Vincent Felitti, MD, as co–principal investigators.¹ Over 17,000 people participated in the ACE study. As researchers followed participants over time they discovered that a person’s cumulative number of adverse childhood experiences has a strong, graded relationship to numerous health, social, and behavioral problems throughout the participant's lifespan. The number of ACEs (adverse childhood experiences) was strongly associated with high-risk health behaviors such as smoking, alcohol and drug abuse, multiple sexual partners, and severe obesity into adulthood, and correlated with health problems including depression, heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease and shortened lifespan.² The ACE revealed that the toxic stress associated with trauma gets under our skin and impacts us over a lifetime. Instead of seeing trauma as stand-alone experiences, the ACE taught us that the impact of adverse experiences is cumulative and for our health’s sake, something to be addressed.

Here are just a few examples: compared with a score of zero those who had 4 adverse childhood experiences were seven times more likely to become an alcoholic and two times more likely to develop cancer. Compared to a score of zero those with six or more adverse childhood experiences were 5 times more likely to have a suicide attempt and two times more likely to die from any of the ten leading causes of death.

DON’T PANIC! If you are someone who had a difficult childhood this doesn’t mean you’re going to have problems. Some individuals demonstrate “resilience,” or the ability to overcome serious hardship while others do not. For a child, one of the most important factors in developing resilience is having at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver, or other adult. That is one of the reasons Affair Recovery believes community is critical in recovery. I believe the stability provided by healed individuals helps in developing resilience even in adulthood.

If you’re interested in learning more about the ACE or determining your score, click here. For additional information on this topic, Bessel van der Koke’s book The Body Keeps the Score does a great job explaining the impact of trauma as well as current treatment modalities.

PLEASE HELP us in our efforts to support those in recovery by taking the survey above. Your response is invaluable.