Q&A Should I Apologize to my Spouse's Family for my Affair?

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Question: 

Rick,

As we approach the holiday season, we will be facing incredible pressure from family. Pressure to spend time with them and possibly take time away from our own healing and recovery. As an unfaithful spouse whose mate's parents know of my infidelity, what suggestions do you have to make amends with the betrayed's family? Previous counselors have suggested they are not "owed" anything. Conversations between my mate and their parents suggests otherwise. They feel like they need an apology or restitution of some sorts. I understand the hurt and pain they must be feeling for my mate. I understand as a parent myself the devastation of my actions and how I might feel in their situation. Is a letter of apology an appropriate starting point for reconciliation with the betrayed's family? Is it worth the effort or does it possibly risk worsening the situation?

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Amends Letter Not Received Well

Hi Rick,
I wrote an amends letter to the people that my husband confided in during my 1 month affair. I used the HURT format and sent letters to my husband’s parents, my brother in-law and his now wife, two mentors, and two close friends of my husband. My husband told a lot of people about my affair, and since regrets this since we’ve reconciled and completed EMSO.

I have received forgiveness from all except my Husband’s family. I sent the letter 5 months ago, but my Father in-law still refuses to talk to me. I did have a conversation with my Mother in-law where she extended forgiveness toward me, but then she called my husband the next day to tell him what she really thinks about me. When she does talk to my husband she continues to tell him to leave me and blames me.

I’m not sure what to do with this. I can’t make them forgive me.

Any advice is welcome.

Thank you.

What type of affair was it?

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