I have just recently returned from the EMS weekend, which changed my life. The information presented and the compassion and empathy demonstrated exceeded my expectations tenfold. As I try to digest all that I learned, I am left with a few questions. Let me begin with one related to transparency. As the betrayed spouse, I understand you encourage me to check my husband’s phone/email periodically to ensure he is maintaining his honesty, therefore allowing me to feel safe in the relationship. Would you also suggest that he be allowed access to my phone/email? Although I have nothing to hide, I am hesitant to do so for 2 reasons. First, based on principal alone, I have done nothing to jeopardize his trust and have given him no reason to check up on me. And secondly, I keep a lot of personal thoughts on my iPhone “notes”, almost journal-like, and you advised us NOT to let our spouse read these personal memos as they are not facts, but merely passing thoughts.

I do feel reassured by checking his accounts and would like to continue to do so; however I am conflicted by not reciprocating the same courtesy to him. Please advise.