Survivors' Blog

I Didn't Ask for This

Submitted by Samuel 9 years ago

Samuel shares insight in today's video specifically for those who feel like they didn't ask for this trauma but still find themselves in crisis following the discovery of infidelity and affairs.

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What to read next

Surviving Infidelity Series: Is There Hope for the Unfaithful After an Affair?
What Do You Do When the Unfaithful Spouse Refuses to Get Help?
Rebuilding Your Relationship after an Affair: Defense Mechanisms of the Betrayed
Infidelity and Sexual Trauma: An Interview with an Expert
Life Before, During, & After Infidelity: An Interview with a Betrayed Male Spouse

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas
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Comments

I didn't ask for this

Submitted by sjhk5204 on

I am the betrayed and yes you lost me when you compared an affair to cancer. The two are not the same. While most cancers are unexpected and not preventable, an affair is entirely preventable - it is the choice of the cheating partner to put that "cancer" on the other.

but....context...

Submitted by Samuel on
sjhk5204, very sorry I lost you. hopefully you see this comment though. you are right in your observation, BUT I think you have to agree, it's not about the comparison to cancer and an affair in terms of being preventable or blame. it's about choosing to heal, though you didn't ask for the affair or cancer. it's really a guide to help you, the betrayed, understand that you still have to heal. i'm sorry I didn't do a better job of connecting the two, but the truth is, though you are a betrayed, you still have a choice on whether or not you heal and take action to heal. sure you didn't ask for this. no one does except the unfaithful. but, you do have a choice to make: will you heal or will you choose not to heal and transmit your pain. yes, the unfaithful spouse brings the cancer into the marriage, but, you the victim, can still choose to heal YOU and find healing for your own pain. hope that helps. very sorry it didn't resonate better with you.

i beg to differ

Submitted by martha52 (not verified) on

i'm sorry but i beg to differ. i think you missed the point and are projecting on samuel the fact that your spouse cheated. samuel said that no one chooses cancer but they still have to heal. if they want to live that is. it's about your healing and your choices and your response. not your spouse. for me, i had to get after it in my own recovery. my spouse did what they did. but i had a choice how i responded. i didn't ask for it. i hated it for sure. but, it's happened. i've embraced it. i have to heal. you my friend, have to choose to heal. not get upset when someone confronts your lack of healing and your need to still focus on you. all you can do is all you can do and i'm not sure that you are seeing what samuel is saying with clarity. you can't refuse to heal because youre pist at your spouse. you need to heal if you want to get your life back. i hope you'll get it back and heal. i have found healing and insight, despite the trauma of a five year affair and numerous trips to the strip club. be kind to samuel as i think you'll hear his heart to help those in crisis on the site .