Q&A Can I Heal If My Husband Is Not Completely Safe?

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Question: 

After the last D-Day he agreed to go to EMS Weekend and do Hope for Healing. EMS Weekend was amazing and we had several breakthroughs and left very hopeful. However, he says he’s not getting a lot of out Hope for Healing and doesn’t appear to be doing the homework. He will not go back to therapy or be fully transparent. He only shares his locations when he goes to the gym or goes out and will not show me his phone bill. I do not have passwords to his phone or anything else. I’ve asked for full transparency, but he says that he feels too controlled. I’ve had two sessions with a therapist who is certified in EMDR, APSATS and IITAP. I was hoping to deal with my trauma and hyper vigilance around the years of infidelity. I’m still experiencing many triggers daily. My therapist said that he is a sex addict and if he doesn’t agree to see a certified sex addiction therapist and give full transparency, then he’s not safe and there’s no point to working on my trauma as he will likely just cheat again without treatment. Is this true? Am I not able to heal at this moment? Can she label him a sex addict without even meeting him? I should note that our last therapist also thought there was an addiction of some sort, but labeled it habitual sin, not sex addiction. He also suggested a 12 step program. My husband does not identify as being an addict of any sort and believes he can just make the decision to stop and with God and faith, he will stop. I’ve heard this before, so I’m afraid that we will just end up in the same place next year.

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