I love and hate my husband; I feel contempt for him but don't want to. In 2012 I suspected an affair. When I confronted him he convinced me that it was a midlife crisis infatuation and he'd felt embarrassed when the affair partner didn't return his interest. He said he wanted an honest, close marriage and I jumped through hoops trying to please him in multiple ways. I'd been molested as a child so trusting was a hard thing but I believed him---which made it easy for him to continue the affair that they were actually having. Just like 40 years earlier, my trust was once again totally betrayed. They continued to have sex for 6 years up until last spring. There was no romance, just a "sex friends" affair with a colleague. While criticizing my weight and being overweight himself, my husband preferred that she was thinner, prettier in his eyes, stylish, a fellow executive and in his words "better put together". I always tried to look nice for him so that hurts. He started to come back to God last summer and when questioned admitted to having sex but it took 4 months of endless questions to get the full truth. He says I'm a much better person but even now he'd take my personality in her body if that was an option. How can he prefer ANYTHING about the person who helped to destroy my life? I'm bitter but don't want to be.