Q&A How Do I Get past My Husband's Recreated Fantasy about a High School Girlfriend?

Submitted by Leslie_Hardie Wed, 08/28/2019 - 12:14

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Question: 

I can’t get past knowing that my husband gave his heart in recreating a fantasized relationship with his high school girlfriend that he was sexually intimate with. His fantasies went on for about four years early in our marriage. We have been married 37 years and this came out six months ago in a marriage class. A one night stand or a response to porn doesn’t require an affectionate heart. My husband said he prayed to God to break his attraction to her. This was his choice all those years. Knowing he not only thought about her all those times...but lived out the sexual part of his fantasy using my body for his selfish pleasures! He got all the physical, hormonal and emotional feels as if he were with her...every single time! I am absolutely devastated and disgusted. We have not been intimate since D-Day. I don’t think I could ever be intimate with him again. I have cried most every day for six months. He wants to restore the marriage, his class starts this week. I on the other hand cannot see myself sexually intimate with him again. I am so angry, and beyond sad. I didn’t know this man was capable of such deceit and betrayal of heart and sacred vows.

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Submitted by [name hidden] on

Thank you for your feedback to my question. What makes this crazy hard for me is that he actually rekindled love and attraction for her over these four years. She was THIRTEEN! He was 17. In this same marriage class, my husband said that I wasn’t a priority on his radar much of our marriage. He also said he would emotionally punish me. I KNEW this, but was astonished to hear HIM say it! In our 35th year of marriage, he was acting emotionally inappropriate with the youth group girls and started calling s young coworker of mine behind my back. At home, he had very little quality time for me. I’m NOT sure WHAT his REAL issues are!!! His emotional maturity is definitely in question. He’s defensive, easily offended, and for a man, cries easily...usually to control. We are both taking this course for good reason! Can you add any more insight to this situation?

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Submitted by [name hidden] on

Thank you for your feedback to my question. What makes this crazy hard for me is that he actually rekindled love and attraction for her over these four years. She was THIRTEEN! He was 17. In this same marriage class, my husband said that I wasn’t a priority on his radar much of our marriage. He also said he would emotionally punish me. I KNEW this, but was astonished to hear HIM say it! In our 35th year of marriage, he was acting emotionally inappropriate with the youth group girls and started calling s young coworker of mine behind my back. At home, he had very little quality time for me. I’m NOT sure WHAT his REAL issues are!!! His emotional maturity is definitely in question. He’s defensive, easily offended, and for a man, cries easily...usually to control. We are both taking this course for good reason! Can you add any more insight to this situation?

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