Q&A How Do I Get past My Own Shame and Guilt?

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Question: 

I am 9 months out from D-Day, in Harboring Hope, and registered for EMS Weekend. My husband cheated for a year and kept the secret for many years afterward. I am struggling to unpack the deception and losses. I am truly ashamed to admit our recovery is additionally hampered by the fact that I was my husband's affair partner during his first marriage. I was very young, and she was a faceless unknown person to me. I have asked God for forgiveness many times over the years. I did not truly understand the impact until I found myself in this position. I'm sure anyone listening is thinking I got what I deserved, and yes, I did. Nonetheless I have to deal with my situation and in addition to my husband's betrayal, I find I am unable to forgive myself for what I did as well as my stupidity to think that he wouldn't do it to me. I have definitely turned much of my anger inward. I seek your insight as to how this is impacting our potential for recovery. My husband is devastated and truly repentant. His affair and his (secret) processing of his actions over the years led him to a place where he is now walking with God and has been able to feel God’s forgiveness. He was finally able to admit the affair to me after many years of my questions. The additional guilt and shame I feel for my behavior is a barrier to progress and hope.

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Not alone

To the author of this question. I'm a betrayed husband. My relationship started 30 years ago with me being the affair partner. I was 18 and she was my bestfriends wife. I'm 5 years from D Day this month. I very well understand your torments. I don't have the answers but you're not the only one that has done something like this. I understand your feelings on the matter