Q&A Is a 'Loss of Self' Specific to Infidelity or Trauma?

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Question: 

I've been married for 22 years and my husband's infidelity came as HUGE shock to me. I was one of those people who never thought he'd do this to me. Even 10 months after discovery I still have days when I can't believe that he did this. I include this information because I thought it might have some bearing on one of the things I have been struggling with which is a sense of a total loss of self. After my husband disclosed his affair and I got some more of the details I was in total shock. I felt I lost my grounding and lost a sense of who I am. As if I'd lost the thread of my life and was just in a sense of utter confusion. I felt lost to myself. We've gone through EMSO and I'm now doing HH and I feel a LOT more grounded now. But, I still have this sense that I've got to recover myself, my life, my grounded center. For a long time I thought this could be explained because I had been living a lot of fusion in the marriage and a lot of co-dependency. I've been working a lot on these things but in the course of my recovery I've heard so many other betrayed women talk about this "loss of self". So, I just wanted to get your input on this. Is this something specific to infidelity or trauma? I thought it was just me, but sounds like it's more common. It's really disorienting and hard to come out of. It would be really helpful to hear your explanation of why this is happening, whether it's a common response on to infidelity or trauma and some steps to take to "find" myself again.

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