10 years ago my husband had a passionate long distance (mainly) affair with a coworker which ended a few months after discovery. 5 years later she left the company and I began to heal. Unfortunately that was when she asked him for a reference and they started up a friendship again, -allegedly non sexual. In 2014 he gave her $600,000 to buy a house and at the end of that year, started an online friendship with her mother. He gave large quantities of money to her too as well as jewelry. We have been trying to make sense of this, a therapist has said he is narcissistic and needs psychiatric help and that I am in victim mode, making us codependent. It has also come to light that he was raped as a 12 year old, and probably his emotional development has been stunted ever since as he has only just recalled this event. So now instead of saying he loves me and was just able to compartmentalize his 2 lives, he has realized that it has always been a competition which he has wanted to win, by undermining me, and that he has never been able to love me. I have spent my life appeasing him. My question is - are we jeopardizing our individual recoveries if we stay together, or should we part now to give ourselves the best chance of healing. The therapist implied that it wasn't safe for me as he will go through the motions until the heat is off and then repeat. He recognized that behavior from the first time. Both of us are in pieces. Any help gratefully received.