Q&A Is There a Purposeful Way We Can Get past This?

I’m 21 months from D-Day. My husband is being safe and overall we are healing. My problem is that I have specific phobias of doing things my husband did with his AP. Many of them are things we used to do together and I feel like they have been taken from me. They covered a lot of ground and I feel completely inhibited now by sex. My husband doesn’t want to trigger me by asking for anything they did. It’s like having a giant elephant sitting on us while we are trying to have sex. How do we approach taking these things back? I don’t feel like I can try and reclaim these things without thinking about them doing it. If I stopped having sex every time I thought of them it would never have finished once yet in 21 months. I can usually push the thoughts out of my mind but I hate the fact that sex is not free of those thoughts and I don’t want our sex life limited to 1 position for the rest of our lives either.