Q&A What Helps the Wayward Spouse Transition from Shame to Empathy?

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Question: 

What are the key ingredients in the healing process to help an unfaithful spouse transition from shame to empathy? I discovered my husband's infidelity 7 months ago, where he was involved in an affair while we were dating and for the first year of our marriage. We are committed to saving our marriage, and we have been in individual and couples therapy. Recently, I started to see flickers of empathy (at least I think I do), where he seems to see things more from my perspective and validates my feelings; however, I see him tiptoeing back into shame every now and then. I'm taking Harboring Hope, and his healing process involves individual and couples counseling. What will it take for him to get to empathize with me and to stay in that zone? What words should I be hearing from him to know that he's operating in empathy? At what point does an unfaithful spouse move into the zone of empathy?

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