Q&A Am I Making a Mistake by Staying with Him?

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My husband (the unfaithful) and I have been in recovery for 8 months. Both participating in EMSO and I have completed HH. He seems to be dedicated to our recovery, is finally getting it and has said and done many wonderful things. I believe he loves me. The thing I’m struggling with is that I still don’t trust him. This is his 2nd affair. He continues working with the AP. He promised that their communication is only to be work related. I still check up on him periodically and over the past 8 months found that they communicate via phone and email not work related nor romantic in nature either. Since he knows I’m checking he has found other ways to communicate. Recently I have found 2 new apps on his phone that are used so call/texts can’t be traced. One he deleted, the other is still there. He always has some lame excuse but looks guilty. Their affair was a love/hate relationship and their continuing interaction seems to be the same. I can’t understand why he would even want to continue that. I don’t really feel threatened by her but I feel like the message he’s sending her is I still can’t live without you in my life. The issue for me now is about trust and continued broken promises. I’m tired of checking on him and tired that he thinks I’m that stupid.



RL_Media Type: 

Communicating with AP

I'm in a similar situation. What do I do though if he refuses to cut off AP? I ended up asking him to move out for 40 days so that God could work on us individually - he's also in the process of switching jobs, so that gives plenty of time to leave his current job and have a couple weeks at his new job before re-evaluating. He wants to move back in so we can work on marriage. However, I don't think that's entirely possible if he's not even trying to stop talking to AP. Since I asked him to move out, he's staying with AP despite having several friends in town he could stay with. I'm committed to not committing liek we learned at EMS, but I wonder too if I'm making a mistake.

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