Q&A How Can He Do All of This Good Recovery Work and Still Lie?

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We've been married for 10 years, and our initial D-Day was April 2019 exposing an emotional affair. There was a second D-Day in June 2019 disclosing that the affair was also sexual. My husband and I separated after the second D-Day, and both worked hard on our own individual healing. I saw a new person in him. He was repentant and humble. He was so changed that I allowed him to move back home in January. That's when things slowly started to change. He continued to go to counseling, but it was sporadic. He continued to claim there were no lies and he was not acting out. I had my doubts, but no proof, until July when I found he had been using a secret phone app since December. He made up a story which I knew was not true, but again, I had no proof. Two months later, I found a hotel receipt, which he confessed was to get a massage, but chickened out at the last minute. This last discovery led him to sign us up for EMS Weekend. He was very open during the EMS Weekend, humbling himself and working hard at the assignments. He seemed to get it and I felt hopeful he was changing. Three weeks later however, I discovered that he has been communicating with his affair partner since February via a running app and the secret app. How can someone say so convincingly that they are sorry for what they did, show emotion and humility during EMS Weekend, commit to no secrets/lies, and still be involved with their affair partner? How can he go from his obvious commitment to recovery last year, and completely reverse course this year? I am overwhelmed with humiliation that I believed he was actually changing, but was instead just telling me lies.



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