Q&A How Can I Help My Wife Feel Connected to Me?

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Question: 

We're 16 months post D-Day with no contact since December. Much trickle truth and continued lying well past then though. We've done HH, H4H and EMSO. Sex life was incredible up until we had children. We still regularly had sex after. But mostly out of a sense of obligation, and she never really told me this. She's said she felt pressure to have sex since children, and was rarely in the mood anymore. During her affair she couldn't get enough sex with AP. She said there was no emotional attachment, just sex. In recovery, I've been working on feeling ok to ask for what I want or need, and her to know its OK for her to say no. Today I asked if she wanted to make love tonight, no pressure. She was very quiet and eventually said "not particularly, but I'll participate." She said, "not really, you know I'm just never in the mood" but feels pressure to have sex with me. I asked if really she didn't want to. Even though I said there is no pressure, she said she still felt a lot. She's said that sex isn't very important to her in our marriage. She wants connection. I'm really trying to work on connection with her but at this point, don't know what to do. Where do we go from here?

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