Q&A How Can We Make Discovery Safe?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


While talking, my wife asks me whether or not I did certain things with the affair partner. Sometimes it stirs emotions within me and I tell her. I don’t always have an exact memory at these moments, but I feel an uncomfortable, unsettling, within my spirit. I tell her ‘something must have happened because I don’t feel comfortable’ then one or two thoughts come to mind confirming my feelings, which I then proceed to say. In divulging this new information, my wife feels betrayed all over again and it sends her back to square one. In a bid to hear her pain, I listen to how she interprets what happened and that helps me deal with not minimizing or rationalizing. We are 6 months from D-Day and I have a deep pain within my heart and soul for what this new information is doing to her, which wasn’t there at the start because I feel connected to her in a way I didn’t feel before my adultery. At the same time I don’t have all the details she needs to help her to heal. I don’t know how to handle her ‘cross examinations’ when I don’t have all the details she feels she needs to heal and move on. Even though her interpretation may not be real, I find that not minimizing or rationalizing her story helps me to take responsibility. I always share my flashback thoughts too.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas