Q&A How Can We Want a Better Marriage in the Future When I Didn't Think It Was Bad in the First Place?

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Question: 

My husband and I recently completed the EMS Weekend. We are still both doing our work and talk about reconciling. He continues to talk about wanting a “better” marriage in the future, which I understand. But I feel this is putting pressure on me to change somehow which I’m struggling with because I didn’t think the marriage was bad. I now sort of feel like I have to perform a certain way to prevent him from being unhappy again. Not sure how to deal with this.

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Wayne the Wise

Wayne has offered such sage advice! I made the mistake of allowing my wayward spouse to say, “I want things to be different,” without asking him to express precisely what “things” he wanted. I spent ten years attempting to “be different” without any specific guidance, losing my identity and forgetting how to express my needs. I am reluctant to speak for him, but I suspect he spent the same time period feeling that “things” were not different at all because he did betray me again. I am sad to report that now we are divorced. I encourage you to take Wayne’s advice. What do you have to lose?!