Q&A How Do I Process All This Information About the Affairs?

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On D-Day, I spent hours downloading *everything*: texts, call histories, years’ worth of bank, credit card, and PayPal statements, emails. I backed up the computer with numerous affair partners’ lurid pictures, videos, audio recordings, letters, and so on. It was everything I could get my hands on, but it wasn’t everything. I later learned that my husband deleted secret email accounts even though I asked him not to get rid of anything so we could work through it. We are trying to address this profound betrayal and his sex/love addiction. But how does disclosure occur with so much written evidence? My husband says he cannot possibly compete with a documented record. He is reluctant to disclose because what if he says something inconsistent with what's in the record? He feels it’s a test he can never pass. I see where he's coming from, but I know there’s stuff I don’t know, and he can start with that. I need to see that he can be voluntarily honest about *something*. That still doesn't leave me any way of processing the record I *do* have, though, which I feel I need to move on. I want to use the documents to compile a chronology so that he can see how depraved this really was (cheating while I was in the hospital; bringing an affair partner to our house and cheating when I was taking care of his sick parent). Should we go through this material? How else can I process it?



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