Q&A How Do We Protect Our Children During Recovery?

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Question: 

On D-Day, our children heard us arguing about my husband’s affair and witnessed him deleting the contents of his phone. He told our children that I was accusing him of having an inappropriate relationship with a colleague. At the time, he was still denying the affair. I tried to minimise what the children had heard, but our teen told me that they knew exactly what ‘inappropriate’ meant. During the years of the affair, my husband would have late night calls to his colleague in a locked room and our teenager would hang about until my husband had gone to bed. Since D-Day a few months ago, our children have seen a 180-degree turnaround in our marriage. We have explained to our children that we are going through a difficult time, my husband has been devoting too much time to his business and staff, we love them and we are working hard at our marriage. We are also going through another huge family trauma that coincided with D-Day, so we often attribute our distress to dealing with that. But we don’t know exactly what our teenager knows. Our other children are younger and seem to be unaware of the unfaithfulness; no one else knows about it. How do we find out what more our teenager knows without providing them with unnecessary damaging information? If our teen does know about the affair, what do we tell them? How do we support them without ruining their experience of childhood, God, marriage and us?

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