Q&A Is It Dangerous to Examine Photos and Messages from the Affair Partner?

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My husband compartmentalised the work, ministry, friendship, and sexual aspects of his long term affair so that very little of the affair actually seems wrong. Apart from the fact that it was all rooted in lies and deception. I have a lot of material from the affair, which ended through my discovery of it a few months ago, such as photos and messages. When my husband and I have looked at some of this material, it has been helpful for me to be able to complete the jigsaw. It has also enabled my husband to see the reality of what he has done. Previously, my husband had avoided looking at the material - he finds it embarrassing - but, at the same time, it challenges him when he says things to me like, 'When I told her I loved her, I didn't mean it in quite THAT way.' When we both look at his declarations of love in black and white, he begins to understand why his actions seemed to convey that he loved her. My question is, is it dangerous to go through this material, which includes messages the AP sent to me post-discovery about the affair in response to my questions to her? In my husband's desire for transparency and my desire to reframe my lost years, I have found this material to be invaluable, but I don't want to push my husband towards the AP, who he's turned his back on, nor to create future memory pain for myself.



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