Q&A What About Emotional and Verbal Abuse in Recovery?

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Question: 

Dear Rick, Can you speak to us about how emotional and verbal abuse figures into the recovery process for infidelity in a marriage? I found out about my husband's infidelity 16 months ago after having suffered through a 32 year verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. I had suffered a mental and emotional health crisis due to the abuse after 22 years, and had addressed many of my own personal issues and received some healing at that time. I had never heard of emotional abuse and hadn't realized that might be what was going on in our marriage. I certainly never considered that emotional abuse could be grounds for divorce, so I just tried to adapt the best I could. When I found out about the affair, I saw this as my ticket out of my suffering in silence. Since finding out about the affair and going through Affair Recovery, I have had the opportunity for tons of counseling and personal growth which has been a positive life-changing experience for me. I know that infidelity is a trauma in and of itself and that emotional triggers can wreak havoc on a person who is struggling to recover from infidelity, but what about when infidelity goes along with a pattern of emotional and verbal abuse? How do I know that the triggers are coming from the realization of the affair and not from the pre-existing emotional abuse, and does that matter anyway? I will say that I'm pretty sure my husband doesn't want to be verbally or emotionally abusive--it's just how he was raised, and I was raised to accept it. I want to be healed and I don't want to miss this opportunity for true healing. I don't want the issues of verbal and emotional abuse to get lost in the healing process of recovering from infidelity. Can you give me a perspective to help me and any suggestions? Thanks a million!!

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Emotional and Verbal Abuse in Recovery

I myself would like to know how to deal with this type of abuse.