Q&A Why Does My Mate Say He Can't Remember Details of the Affair?

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Question: 

Everytime I try to have a conversation with my husband about the affair he says, “I can’t remember!”. No matter how trivial the question. It is backed by, “it was two years ago and it’s not relevant to where we are today.” These comments infuriate me. I feel like it’s a slap in the face and shows a complete lack of respect. Like my time to go down that road has expired and anymore going down that road is not “healthy” “he’s not that guy anymore” ....(which are more comments I hear). So now I should take my seat like a child and hush up because I have chosen to stay. That’s what It feels like to me. I’d say I’m respectful to most other aspects of recovery and work in our marriage he is doing what I feel I want/need. This one area makes me so upset and makes me question why he does this. Is talking about the infidelities really a problem?

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My D-DAy was Dececmber 25, 2016

Rick, I love most of what you counsel to as a standard. However, I don't agree at 2 years you should have moved on to other discussions rather than the details of the betrayel. We've been married nearly 30 years and my spouse didn't attend therapy for almost a year and still, in my mind, doesn't answer questions, rather its "I don't remember", "it's not important", "let's move on". I couldn't agree more with the last statement. My spouse is now in couples counseling and going on on their own as well. Our therapist says my spouse has never been introspective and this must be learned and it will take time as my spouse will be 68years old next month. The "onion peeled" back some last fall with the reveal my late father in law, would discipline my spouse and point at them and order them not to cry. So years have passed with the pushing down of emotions....everyone's journey takes different amounts of time depending on the circumstances. You great work, but some of us are on a time table controlled by our spouses.