Q&A Why Is It Always on Me to Set Boundaries?

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Question: 

My wayward wife's cousin has recently invited the family to his wedding. He is marrying the affair partner he left his pregnant wife for. I've been extremely angry about all of this, and even more angry that my wife wants to go to this wedding. She says that family is important to her and that its important to her to be true to herself. The wedding was this weekend and things between us are a disaster now. I am dumbfounded at how she doesn't seem to see how staggeringly insensitive it is for her to go to this thing. She says she would have not gone if I asked her not to. But why is it always on me to say no? Shouldn't she have awareness at this point that this is such a huge emotional burden to ask me to deal with? I asked her to come on here and ask for advice, to talk to other women on AR for their viewpoints, to talk to another from our EMSO group, but she just refuses and says I'm trying to control her. I don’t know what to do. This wound is so very deep.

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it feels like the real question wasnt addressed, please clarify

Hi, it feels like the real question, the question of "how could she have integrity and be safe when she sees no problem with supporting this situation which is something she also participated in, in the past" wasn't addressed in the video. I do appreciate the advice in the video for the betrayed spouses feelings and reactions/actions and it is good advice for that piece. But the very first piece is the MOST important thing. I can relate because I have had 2 similar instances in the past week alone. 1-my unfaithful spouse did something sexually that was very selfish and unsafe and he admits it now but the fact that it happened after we have been in counseling for over a year is alarming and heartbreaking. Also, he has a friend who has completed a rehab program and wants to get coffee. He is afraid of how it will look for him if he is seen in public with him because of his past addiction. But on the flipside, there is a man in his mens group at church who is facing sentencing for SEXUAL ASSAULT and he saw no problem with going to the court and standing in front of the judge and testifying to this mans character even though he doesnt know him personally he only spends time at bowling mens group with him and he saw no problem with that. These actions (like the one described above) knock out the attempts at a firm foundation and rebuilding and creating a new relationship. Our counselor also skipped over the actual act and went onto the reaction/communication piece when I brought up the sexual incident and this makes me feel less hopeful that I can get the help I need to sort this out. Please help. (we are enrolled in EMSO starting an a few weeks)