Q&A Will My Husband Ever Recommit to the Marriage?

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Question: 

At 15 months past discovery I am struggling to accept that my unfaithful spouse is still unable to recommit to our marriage. He has been active in recovery work. We participated in EMSO and he has just finished Hope for Healing. We have a gifted couples therapist and he has attended individual therapy for a year. Despite all this, he is still unsure whether he will remain in our marriage. We have two beautiful young boys together and I feel I’ve been immeasurably patient, compassionate, empathetic and forgiving toward him throughout this painful process. He has admitted as much and he says he loves me. How do I reconcile, then, his ongoing hesitation to provide me with assurance that we will not divorce. Can you help me understand possible causes to his hesitation? He tells me part of the Hope for Healing curriculum emphasizes that his recovery work should be focussed on healing himself, not on saving the marriage… but I feel like he’s using this as an excuse to persist in his ambivalence. Is there truth to what he says, or is he twisting the message to justify his failure to recommit?

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