Rick Reynolds, LCSW
by Rick Reynolds, LCSW
Founder & President, Affair Recovery

Six Types of Affairs

As we begin to explore the types of affairs, I know that there is a great deal of pain and confusion for both parties in the marriage. Please know that I am not writing with the intent of causing more pain! Instead, I hope that these categories will help bring understanding to what has happened and serve as one small step in the process of healing.

Infidelity is the keeping of secrets according to the late Frank Pittman, yet even more so than its definition, relational infidelity shatters the crucible that contains "us". No longer are we one, but now we are two separate individuals with at least one party wondering if our oneness still exists. Marital problems may strain our sense of connectedness and call into question whether we really matter to our mate, if they really care about us and whether they are going to be there for us.

Despite what some would have you believe, not all affairs are alike, and therefore the approach to healing will differ according to each of these six categories. I would encourage you to read the descriptions of each affair type and then determine which one best characterizes your own personal experience.

The following categories are simple descriptions and are not intended to explain the motivations of the betrayal, the consequences, or the path of recovery. They are also not intended to serve as a judgment on the betrayer or the betrayed. Instead, they are intended to offer hope to both parties as you begin your journey of recovery. Hopefully, you will discover that your situation is not entirely unique and that there is a path you can follow to new life.

Admittedly, there is a process upon which you have to be willing to embark, but those of us who have made the journey will assure you that it is well worth it. You may be asking, "Why would I want to consider going back to a miserable marriage?" Let me assure you, this path is not just about "making it." I would never wish such ‘existing' on anyone. If your marriage is lousy or even just mediocre, why would you want to go back?

If that were the case, then I don't believe we would be doing you any favors. That is not what this is about; rather, we believe that this crisis point in your marriage can actually be used as the starting point for each of you to grow both individually and as a couple. Let this process serve as a point of hope for the two of you. You are not alone in this process! Please take advantage of the support, encouragement and direction we have to offer.




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I thought that I would be

I thought that I would be happy with an old friend because me and my husbands first few years of marriage was nothing but fights and catching him watching pornography.When it all came down it was so easy for me to cheat cause I was sick of jealousy and thought for a second I deserved to be treated better, when in reality it made me realize I made a huge mistake and am now losing my marriage I am looking for answers and help. I love him .

What type of affair was it?

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