Survivors Blog: Samuel
Samuel
Alumnus, Wayward. Providing hope, encouragement and infidelity-specific insight to anyone in recovery from betrayal.
Why Are We Surprised?
Today Samuel discusses the seemingly never ending challenges to recovery for both spouses.
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Your Betrayed Spouse is Always Processing
Today Samuel discusses how the betrayed spouse may not be reacting, but they are always processing the actions of the unfaithful spouse.
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Countermeasures to Flooding
Today I want to talk about establishing countermeasures which will prevent each spouse from doing any more harm to one another.
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How do you Trust Again? Part IV
Today we complete the discussion on trust with 2 final principles of recovery for restoring trust over time after betrayal.
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How do you Trust Again? Part III
Samuel discusses why you don't need trust to move forward in recovery.
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How do you Trust Again? Part II
Samuel continues the discussion on safety and how to cultivate a safe atmosphere for you and your spouse's potential recovery.
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How do you Trust Again? Part I
Today we start a new series on how to trust your mate and know if your mate is trustworthy after an affair.
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Do I Tell or Do I Not Tell?
Samuel discusses the drive home before disclosure, deciding whether or not to tell Samantha about his affair.
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Why Decide Now?
Often times spouses want to make a decision about their crisis right this moment. However, when dealing with infidelity that approach usually backfires.
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If you can't Accept Where you're at, you'll Never Get to Where you Want to be
Today let's discuss the concept of denying your reality in recovery and how dangerous this denial can be.
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My Top 3 Struggles in Recovery
Today I share my top three biggest struggles early on in recovery.
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They get to Say no, but Life is going to Change
Often times in recovery, betrayed spouses are frustrated as their unfaithful spouse won't take action. Today, I offer ways to deal with this refusal to get help.
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Is your Voice the only Voice you're Listening to?
In recovery after an affair, we all hear voices. If you're just listening to your own voice, it may be continuing to blind you.
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That's Not the Way I Would Handle it...
It's a destructive pattern for either spouse to say how they would describe themselves if they were on the other side of the affair.... Today we'll talk about why.
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I Thought our Marriage was Fine
Have you ever said to yourself, "I thought my marriage was fine....I thought we were doing great."? Infidelity has a way of uprooting our entire life's momentum and today I discuss how to move forward practically.
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Affairs are About Escaping
Affairs are about escaping . Today, I discuss the nature of affairs and escapism and how to avoid relapsing.
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Do the Unfaithful Get Away with it All?
What about the unfaithful, do they just get away with it all? Today Samuel discusses and confronts the desire for revenge in the heart and mind of the betrayed.
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Why the Betrayed may Hate you
Early on after discovery, Samantha said she hated me. It's a normal emotion of the betrayed but requires the right approach to diffuse the intensity of emotion.
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Don't Waste this Sorrow
If you've experienced infidelity on either side, you've most definitely experienced an indescribable amount of sorrow. Today I discuss how to not waste this pain and truly experience healing and restoration in your own life, regardless of what side you're on.
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How can the Unfaithful be so Angry?
It's a common struggle: understanding why the unfaithful are so angry, when they are the one's who've cheated. Today I discuss some very common reasons why the unfaithful struggles with anger early on in recovery.
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I Just Don't See it that Way
Today Samuel shares a humorous example how we the unfaithful, many times just don't see things the way we should. The unfaithful just can't see how their actions have affected the betrayed and has no clue how to show empathy for what they can't wrap their mind around.
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One Spouse is Relieved, One Spouse Remains Traumatized
What do you do when one spouse is glad the secret is out and they can finally breathe while the betrayed spouse, however, has just started their recovery and is traumatized. Here are some thoughts on how to navigate a very difficult situation for both spouses.
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The Betrayed Wants the Marriage More than the Unfaithful
It's not uncommon to see the betrayed spouse wanting the marriage more than the unfaithful. When this happens, take heart, there is hope and there is a strategy to implement.
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Is your Spouse Unhealthy? Don't do This...
When an unfaithful spouse has an affair, they are unhealthy and not seeing or thinking clearly. But is it appropriate to expect an unhealthy person to be making healthy choices? We set ourselves up for failure when we expect an unhealthy person to make healthy, responsible choices.
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Are you Chasing your Spouse?
Are you a betrayed spouse, chasing your spouse into recovery? Today I discuss why that is probably doing a disservice to the recovery process and the ultimate restoration of your marriage.
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Is the Affair Just a Symptom?
Often times in recovery, unfaithful spouses will say "my affair is just a symptom of deeper issues." Today I discuss what that statement actually says to the betrayed spouse and how to get to the deeper issues in marriage and recovery.
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How Things Fall Into Place
I would like to tell you about one of the heated discussions I had with Rick about how things can fall into place into place in recovery, though it often times seems hopeless.
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Samuel's Continual Rescue
Today I share a recent traumatic event with my daughter that served to remind me of recovery and relapse prevention.
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Who Does Recovery Start With?
Samuel shares a humorous but pointed story of his own journey to humility and self awareness while in recovery from his affair.
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Another Layer of Forgiveness
A few years into recovery, Samantha and I tapped into another layer of unforgiveness and resentment. It's a common experience that even two or three years out from D Day, a couple may need to still address resentment and unforgiveness. What do you do when you reach that point?
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