So many of these seem like they can be applicable in our situation. 3 weeks into EMSO and he still hasn't signed/made the 90 day commitment. It just hurts all the more, making me feel like neither me, nor our children are worth the commitment and he wants to keep a toe out the door so he can bolt if he finally decides to finalize the divorce after over a year of inaction on it. He's resentful of years of not feeling loved, he's in shame, he's ambivalent right now. I cried as I watched this because so much of it felt familiar. One of the things I hear fairly frequently is, "you seem fixated on this situation (affair), but it's about so much more. The affair was a symptom of the the bigger issue." Thing is, it doesn't seem like he realizes that in dealing with this, it will be inclusive of the other 'stuff'; that it will help us to uncover the root cause(s); that it will give us communication tools to deal with those other issues once we've figured them out.
I'm living in fear that his love is conditional and that without that commitment, neither one of us can fully/completely be our true selves around the other.