Q&A Is He ‘Cured’ and Am I Now Safe?

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We were affected by cybersex in online chat rooms. I’m the betrayed and discovered it when I walked in and caught my husband 20 years ago. He quickly shut the program down and denied what it was. We had disclosure 4 months ago when I threatened to leave if he kept lying. He couldn’t explain why he did it but said he felt compelled. He’d done if for weeks or months before being discovered. After watching you speak about the four C’s and viewing your series on addiction, he believes that was what it was like for him. He also says the trauma he experienced seeing me traumatized when I caught him stopped him from ever doing it again. He couldn’t believe what he’d caused and was terrified he’d lose his family. He also said the pleasure memories associated with the activity immediately became negative, like when people with phobias create new associations about their fear. My question is, “Could this be true … Is he ‘cured’ and am I now safe?” I am scared he is vulnerable to unfaithfulness. Addictions only occur when behaviors are repeated. He initially sought out and chose to participate and became addicted over time. I don’t doubt his conviction when he claims he would not hurt me again, but I also know he went looking for it. I don’t know whether he is prone to future temptations. He is working hard to save our marriage. I would love your help.



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