Rekindling Desire After An Affair Physical intimacy after an affair is challenging under the best of circumstances. But how do you rebuild intimacy if you don't know what you're doing? I still remember our confusion as to how to move forward after the affair. Was it okay to be physically intimate if she wanted, or was she enabling me? I wondered why she would ever want to be with me again. What did I need to change to help her feel safe? Where had we gone wrong the first time around? If I'd understood anything about intimacy maybe I would have known where to start. But being relationally incompetent and emotionally constipated left me clueless. Sad to say I wasn't even sure of the objective. Up to that time my need for sex had far out- weighed my commitment to love and cherish my wife till death do us part. The fact that Stephanie didn't want sex as I did seemed to confirm I'd married the wrong person, but now I didn't know. I was no longer sure I even knew what sex was all about. Thankfully Stephanie's emotional maturity far exceeded mine. I had always mistakenly believed that intimacy consisted of nothing more than orgasms. I didn't understand how to make love to her heart; I only wanted to use her body. I was shocked the first time Stephanie and I came together after discovery. That's when I learned there was a lot more to sex than using someone as a vessel of masturbation. Making love to my wife was something far more profound than I'd ever imagined. It may be hard to believe, but after the affair, Stephanie and I entered a new world of love that I never knew existed. Recovery is about more than learning to be monogamous; it's about finding a better life of purpose and meaning. At Affair Recovery we believe that severe crisis leads to radical transformation. I was certainly in need of some radical transformation when it came to knowing how to love Stephanie. Thankfully that crisis precipitated a change in my understanding of love. I'd like to share an interview with an expert in the field of sexology, Nancy Houston, LPC. Her extensive work with couples who've taken Affair Recovery courses uniquely qualifies her to speak to the challenges of couples dealing with betrayal. We spoke for an hour on topics such as rekindling sexual desire, how to bring physical intimacy back, how to repair sexual wounds, etc. Take the time to listen to it; you'll be glad you did. Resources mentioned by Nancy & Rick in the recording: Building Intimate Marriages by Michael Sytsma Restoring the Pleasure: A Celebration of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner Intimacy Ignited: Conversations Couple to Couple: Fire Up Your Sex Life with the Song of Solomon by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus Sections: NewsletterFounder's LaptopFree ResourcesHot Off the PressRL_Category: Find HopeRecovery FundamentalsSexual HealingStrengthening MarriageWhy Marriages FailRL_Media Type: Audio