Six Types of Affairs: Fallen in Love

I been with my.woman for 2 years now. First I was coming g out of a divorce and we had talked as good friends from the past. Long story we hit it off and I fell stronger and stronger in love with this woman. She had me move in after about 6 months it was all great. She would tell me things like it was almost everything a man would want to hear. I was her best everything. Of course I questioned that with her she would eventually get defensive about it. Then the lies started, over some strong stuff not chesting but chose to stay and work through it she confessed... Then ad another yesr went on we where loving but I would still question her love. it didn't seem completely genuine like too good to be true but kind of not. We have kids and everythi g not together but step... Then I found out for almost several months she had been distant and I am on night shift. I discovered constant day in and day out her using Messenger snap chats photo stuff. She says defensively that it was all to ME! I said no it was not all to me we wouldn't be talking 3 am and such I mean day in and day out constant.messengers.. She is a nice model type body and everything. I noticed while she was at work she was contacting someone I know I am at home sleeping during the day but she would tell me she is busy st work she can't talk much but here she was constantly with someone... I have no said proof but there was a man in her OTHER older Facebook messenger saying how awesome she is and she is well mda and she makes his heart beat in a thousand ways! I confronted she said it was a scam. I then found 5 years ago the same person on ANOTHER YET ANOTHER Facebook account t of hers and this fake man's profile saying she is beautiful of a pic she shared. He'll he commented congrats on one of our pics early on and I didn't notice who it was...Im at the point t not is thst I am seriously in love with this woman and don't want to believe any of this stuff. She basically turns it all around on me and says that I need to get the crap put of my head and if I think she had done something that we need to split up.... Of course she knows and thinks I know she had done everything.... She just doesn't sit alwith me she walks away during conversation and yet I still stick with her because we can get along so awesome and everything but she still tells me I am her man she loves me and would marry.ke one day... She won't budge though she days she hasn't spoke to a single soul this entire time... My gut, I seen her phone with the stuff where she wad checking when her period was coming and snap chatting at the same time at 230am... She even got on another chat service and claims she had bumped the app that she didn't use it!! Wow!! Like she has to know I am not that stupid and boy I tell her bit it gets us nowhere but arguments and it's all me that can't just be in a loving relationship with her!!! We are trying to work on it bit it seems now that I see stuff for what it is now that I didn't see 2 years ago and it seems like I am just living with her so she has a good guy to be with and a good reputation. Bcauase.if ots this person or whomever else they weren't good at one point and that would look horrible on her...We still are intimate but I notice I only I initiate it... I don't know what do do I adore the heck out of her. She cries when we argue but instead of in front of me and reconciling saying hey I want this to work she doesn't and cries on her own and I ask her why she doesn't say... I think she feels bad but her anger shouldn't be there I am not a mean guy to her I just tell her I been reaching out trying to meand us and she says she already says she wants to be with me and to have a normal relationship bit it all seems like she just wants me not to ask questions and to just go on with the relationship... There's a ton more but I can't get into all of it... Thanks!

I met this man when he was married for 6 month. We got attracted to each other over a short period. Long story short, now our affair is going on for 5 month. We haven’t had sex because he feels guilty anytime we get too intimate with each other and I myself don’t wish it to happen while he is married. He claims that he would love the idea of leaving his wife and start with me but he can’t do it to her innocent wife. Me too don’t want that. I don’t want to ruin another woman’s life. We love each other so much and have a great time with each other. But we both know we are doing a wrong thing. I have never cried this much before, I hate myself, I’m miserable all the time and I know that I deserve it! It kills me to not be able to be with the one that I truly love, to not be his priority, to not having him all the time. At the same time there is this huge guilt. I’m ashamed of myself. The burden of this secret relationship is devastating. I tried to brake it off twice within the past 5 month. But even mentioning it kills both of us. Every single minute of my life is like a torture now. The Idea of him telling his wife that he loves her, the idea of the two of them getting intimate kills me, and i know he does all of those things with her. Yet how could i want someone else’s husband? How could I possibly wish their marriage ends? I can’t even stand wishing to be with the one that I love! I know that I deserve to suffer!
He doesn’t know that I’m suffering this much but I guess he feels the same way. I don’t know what to do.

I am unhappily married I’ve been with my husband 8 years we have had more. Downs then ups to be. Honest I started working in a pub a year ago and. Get quite a lot of attention
About 4 months ago the most unbelievable handsome man walked in and it was love at first sight for. Me
He started talking and low and behold I have. Him my number a couple of months. Back.
I thought he wouldn’t text me but he did my smile was from ear to ear,we met for a drink and a. Chat I told him I’m not happy and we kept meeting
We are having a full blown affair we stayed. In a hotel for the night I had to say I was going to a house party to my husband
When me and the. Other. Bloke was together he. Turned round to me and said do you love me and I said yes. I do I said you and. He said maybe. I am so in love. With this bloke. He. Ticks all the boxes I don’t know what to do me and my husband keep arguing and he. Blames me for everything that is happening he doesn’t know about this bloke and I’m in the verge. Of leaving my husband because I am not happy

I had a year long affair with a friend from my running club. When we met we instantly hit it off, and whilst we both resisted each other for a while, eventually it turned into a very intense and passionate affair, with both of us feeling strongly in love with one another.
We were both married, but both had differing issues which led us to do what we did.

I told my wife and the affair eventually ended, it took some serious effort for me to let go of my AP, those feelings described above of back and forth between wanting one and then the other were volatile and strong.

It's a few months on now and I can finally feel the weight of missing my AP lifting, it has had a very tight grip on me, and probably hindering my efforts to reconcile with my wife.

I do believe it is part of it though, grieving for that relationship that ended so suddenly, and now I can finally feel myself letting go of it I am thinking much clearer.

The articles and resources offered on this website have been a godsend, I am also going to counselling, as well as couples counselling with my wife. I recommend the resources offered by Lauren Larusso, her videos and e-book have cleared my mind and had a helping hand in lifting the 'affair fog'. The ted talk by Esther Perel is another recommendation of mine, she is fantastic.

Of course the main thing I had to do was go 'no contact' and that meant blocking my AP and leaving all the WhatsApp and Facebook groups we were in together, and unfortunately meant I left the running club. But after a few months and only occasionally seeing her when dirving around town, there has been no contact, going 'cold turkey' was painful at times, but I do feel I'm through the worst of it.

Because of my actions I've lost what would have been a great friend in my AP, I've also destroyed my families lives, my AP's families lives and lost the respect of many of my family and friends. I am not seeking sympathy, I'm just hoping that if there is someone reading this who is in the midst of having an affair that they think twice about it, no matter how much you think you want to/should to/need to, don't do it. Take a look at yourself and your relationship and really think about what needs to be done within yourself that has led you to the point of an affair, it's a hard thing to do, but it will be worth it.

My wife and I have been together for 36 years, married for 35. About 13 years ago, she started acting strange. Her ex boyfriend had owned a boat, which I frankly had forgotten about. We took a trip to Spain in 2010 and had seen boats on the Mediterranean, and I suggested that we should retire in Spain and live on a boat. She looked like had gone into a trance and said that lying in bed on a boat with the waves lapping against the hull was the most wonderful feeling in the world, and in a voice I’d never heard before. She was completely swooning.

My radar immediately switched on and I really suspected this infatuation with boats had something to do with her ex boyfriend. He was, and is, a married man who lived in another city, but had business in our city, and would stop by and take her to dinner and take her to bed when he was in town. She did this for about four years.

I started looking for boats because I was insecure and I wanted to share the wonderful experience of sleeping on a boat with her. She was absolutely uninterested in sharing a boat with me.

By this time I was seriously concerned about her opinion of him, and I started asking questions about her ex boyfriend. I got lies. She already knew that he had gone to federal prison on a five-year sentence for defrauding the government, but whenever I would criticize him, she defended him.

Recently, she told me that she had fallen back in love with him after I mentioned the boat and that she got over it in about a year. That would explain her behavior of defending him and lying about him. Unfortunately, even though she said her love only lasted a year, her behavior never changed. The lies about and her defending her ex boyfriend continued unabated, even after I told her that he was still married to his wife of 40 years and was paying child support for a child that he had fathered with another woman after about 30 years of marriage.

Because her behavior never changed, I believe she is still in love with him. She was “dating” this man when we met, and after we got closer she told me she was breaking up with him. He went to her house and of course, she had sex with the guy she supposedly was breaking up with. I didn’t know this until several years later. A couple of months later, she called him and asked him to come to our city, which he did. After a couple of drinks with him and one of her girlfriends, he asked her to go to Las Vegas with him. She agreed. Her girlfriend called me and told me about the trip, and then called her and told her I knew what she what she was going to do, and she went anyway. Like an idiot, I forgave her.

My wife has self esteem issues, and told she always felt like an ugly duckling growing up. She said she was feeling particularly down on herself one night when this came up to her in a bar and said, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” That was 41 years ago, and apparently she never got over it. I don’t want to get a divorce. We are both 71 and a divorce would mean we would die alone and it would cause significant financial hardship, but I can’t live like this, and because I was never the man she really wanted, and still wants, I don’t think she wants to stay married to me anyway.

Am I the only person this has happened to?

I appreciate everyone being honest about their feelings on here, I understand it can feel overwhelming to give up on an affair partner, especially if your marriage is not the best.

However, I'd like for you all to consider this. If the cost of being with your AP is to take out a hand grenade, pull the pin, hand it to your spouse and then leave the room, would you do it?

Because emotionally that is exactly what you are doing. The only difference is their pain is going to be unbearable and your spouse isn't going to die in an instant. They'll have to live with it for the rest of their lives.

If you said yes, it's worth it - then at least we know what kind of person you are.
If you said no, then either end the affair or your marriage RIGHT NOW before permanent damage is done.