How Could You? Part IV - Doublespeak and Distorted Comparisons How Could You? A Six Part Series on Why We Commit Betrayal with Infidelity Part 1: Why We Commit Betrayal With Infidelity Part 2: The Thought Processes That Lead to Betrayal Part 3: Moral Justifications Part 4: Doublespeak and Distorted Comparisons Part 5: The Secrecy Factor Part 6: Dehumanization and Blame Continue Your Healing With EMS Online! Registration Opens Soon. Our Emergency Marital Seminar Online, better known as EMSO, isn't a one-size-fits-all program for couples. Over decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity, our methodology has been honed to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and restore their lives. "I would like to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your ministry and the materials you have provided as part of EMSO and Married for Life. We, all five couples that started EMSO, have just completed the Married for Life 52-week course. We are now deciding what to study next as a group, as we so value the relationship we have together as couples. With God, with your materials and with each other, we have saved our marriages." - B. Minnesota | EMSO participant, March 2021. Spots fill up quickly, so you won't want to wait to register for EMSO! To learn when registration opens back up, click the button below. Subscribe to Registration Notifications! One Friday morning, while driving to work, Stephanie called and asked if I'd talked to our son, Bryson. "No," I replied. "I can't get a hold of him," she told me. Knowing something must be up I asked, "What's the problem?" "There's been an explosion in Waco," she said worriedly. My wife, Stephanie, and I don't watch much news and were totally unaware of the terrible explosion the previous evening. Our youngest son was a student at Baylor during the time of this catastrophe, and he hadn't thought it necessary to let us know of his whereabouts after the explosion. After I found the press release and learned that it happened about ten miles north of Waco, my worries subsided. With this week's topic in mind, I began considering West Fertilizer Co.'s various options for a statement release. Would they say there had been a catastrophic explosion at their plant and were grieved over the loss of life as well as the injuries others had suffered? Would they say, "We don't yet know the cause of the blast, but we take full responsibility"? Or would they say, "Today our fertilizer plant experienced a 'spontaneous energetic disassembly' resulting in collateral damage as we were providing for the needs of our community"? Euphemistic Labeling Euphemistic labeling, otherwise known as doublespeak, is an age-old technique for avoiding responsibility. Euphemistic language is used widely to make harmful conduct respectable and to reduce personal responsibility for it. - Author, William Lutz1 Suspending one's morals requires using the language of non-responsibility2 to redefine the behavior into something that doesn't seem or look so bad. This sanitizing language also allows infidelity to lose much of its repugnancy and ascribed shame. See if you've heard some of these examples before: We had some "encounters," not an affair like you are thinking. We just "hooked-up." (This makes it sound as if they met up with an old friend rather than saying they had anonymous sex.) "It was just sex; it didn't mean anything." We were just "sexting." No actual harm was done to anyone. (Such a phrase sounds far more palatable than "we were exchanging naked photos of ourselves over our cell phones.") "I strayed" but was going to come back. (They think this sounds better than saying "I cheated on you" or "I betrayed your trust.") Advantageous Comparison Another technique used to minimize hurtful actions is called Advantageous Comparison. By juxtaposing our behaviors against something or someone worse, we can exploit the comparison principle and make our actions seem almost righteous. Using exonerating comparison to make infidelity seem acceptable is based on two judgements: Working on the marriage to achieve the desired change would have been useless. My infidelity will prevent more suffering than it caused. Terrorists see their behavior as acts of selfless martyrdom by comparing them with widespread cruelties inflicted on the people with whom they identify.3 The more outrageous the contrast, the more likely the unfaithful spouse's actions will seem almost benevolent. For example, the damage caused by an affair is minimized by claiming it was nothing compared to the pain caused by their mate's controlling behaviors through the years, and the affair is probably the thing that will save them from divorce. This might sound like: "You've been hard to live with for years, and besides, this was far better than me going out and having one-night stands. This was not a big deal and mostly your fault anyway." This much we know: there is tremendous pain in these scenarios, and both partners need help. If you've been impacted by infidelity or addiction, I hope you'll take advantage of our many resources for both spouses. We absolutely know how to see transformation in the most difficult of circumstances, addictions, and life-changing, traumatic events. More than likely, it's time for something new and expert-driven, something that will help you to see that you aren't living in the worst-case situation and to know that you are not alone as you work through things. Continue Your Healing With EMS Online! Registration Opens Soon. Our Emergency Marital Seminar Online, better known as EMSO, isn't a one-size-fits-all program for couples. Over decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity, our methodology has been honed to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and restore their lives. "I would like to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your ministry and the materials you have provided as part of EMSO and Married for Life. We, all five couples that started EMSO, have just completed the Married for Life 52-week course. We are now deciding what to study next as a group, as we so value the relationship we have together as couples. With God, with your materials and with each other, we have saved our marriages." - B. Minnesota | EMSO participant, March 2021. Spots fill up quickly, so you won't want to wait to register for EMSO! To learn when registration opens back up, click the button below. Subscribe to Registration Notifications! Harboring Hope registration opens monthly. Subscribe to be notified. Harboring Hope is our online course for betrayed spouses to heal after infidelity. It often sells out within a few short hours. Don't miss it! Subscribe to Registration Notifications! Sections: Must ReadNewsletterFounder's LaptopFree ResourcesHot Off the PressRL_Category: Why They Did ItRL_Media Type: Text
